One Bad Day
by NettieC
Summary: Like ripples on the water, one action can have repercussions further than we can ever imagine. Kathy's pregnancy invariably results in one bad day for Olivia. Two Parts.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me.

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It was the singularly worst day of her career, a career which had seen a plethora of bad days. There were so many synonyms she could use to describe it; abominable, atrocious, awful, crappy, deplorable, distressing, dreadful, frightful, intense, lousy, painful, rotten, stinking, terrible, tough, but she opted for bad, it summed it all up.

"Olivia, where are you?" Elliot called once he stepped out onto the roof top.

She didn't answer; she didn't want to talk to him. It took Elliot a few moments to spot her sitting on the brick work on the edge of the roof, her legs dangling over the street below.

"Olivia?" She remained motionless. "Liv?" She felt his warm comforting hand on her shoulder but shrugged it away; she didn't want him or his touch.

Elliot studied his partner, she was still wearing the blood stained shirt and blazer from the earlier incident. It was icy cold outside and she had no overcoat. Her face was pale, her eyes red rimmed and her lips had a bluish tinge to them.

"Olivia, how long have you been out here?" He removed his overcoat and put it around her, holding it in place when she tried to push it away. "Olivia," he growled. "You're freezing! Doing this to yourself is not going to change the events of today."

Olivia turned slowly to look at him. "No, but maybe jumping off would make me feel better." She watched as an unfamiliar look of fear crossed his face.

"Tell me you're kidding, Liv?" he begged, his hand surrounding her wrist and gripping tightly. She just shook her head but he couldn't read it. "Liv?"

"Elliot, just go…leave me alone and take your damn coat with you. I don't need you here…" She attempted to swing her legs back around to make a get away but she'd been sitting too long on the cold concrete and her legs weren't cooperating.

Quickly he grabbed hold of her and pressed his body close to hers, running his hands around her body in an attempt to warm her. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there today…I really am,' he whispered into her ear.

"Sure!" she snarled before pushing him away.

"I am…Olivia, it couldn't be helped," he tried to explain but she'd had enough.

The door opened and Fin came out onto the roof.

"Liv, there you are! Anything I can do?" he asked as she approached him.

"Please, get me out of here…" she begged, allowing him to wrap her in a warm embrace and comfort her.

Fin looked over at Elliot confused, Elliot just shrugged he had no idea what was going on. Olivia had known he was at the OBGYN appointment with Kathy, he had explained it and she had been fine with it…or at least he thought she was okay with it.

Fin escorted her downstairs and back into the squad room to collect her things. Don came out of his office when he saw her return.

"Olivia, do you have a minute?" he asked.

Reluctantly she nodded, although he had phrased it as a question she knew he wouldn't accept no as an answer. Fin released her arm so she could go but Olivia took his hand, she didn't want to do this alone.

Fin just shrugged at his boss as Olivia led him through the door. Don stood in front of his desk, looking at his two detectives.

"Olivia, you are going to take some time off as of now…" he started to explain and was surprised when she simply nodded, he was sure she'd put up an argument.

"And I think you should see George Huang at some stage…" he continued.

"Yeah, but not today," she lied, her eyes fixed on his desk. She had no intention of speaking to the psychiatrist.

"Olivia, it wasn't your fault…IA has said the same thing, it wasn't your fault…" Don repeated but he knew she wasn't listening.

"Is that all, sir? I really want to go home and change," Olivia said, looking down at her clothes.

"Sure…I'll ring you tomorrow. Fin, will you…" Fin nodded before Don finished his question, he'd definitely be looking after Olivia, her performance in this office worrying him considerably.

Silence ensued for the entire journey, neither one prepared to talk until the other one did. Fin pulled up in front of her apartment building and waited for her to move, she didn't. He unclipped both their seatbelts, climbed out of the car and headed around to her side. Opening the door, he pulled back the belt before offering Olivia his hand and helping her out of the car.

Not wanting to leave her until he knew what was happening, he wrapped his arm around her waist and walked into the building with her. They were in her apartment two minutes before she spoke to him.

"I'm going to have a shower, is that alright?" she asked him.

"Sure Liv," he replied, following her gaze down to her stained clothes. "Take your time."

Fin waited until the water started before grabbing the remote and switching the TV on, he surfed through some channels looking for anything sports related and finally settled on a college basketball game. A quick glance at the clock told him it was 6:10 and he contemplated dinner. Knowing he wouldn't get much of a response from Olivia he rang the Chinese restaurant, whose flyer was stuck on her fridge, and ordered for them both.

He glanced at the clock again, 6:21, settling back on the sofa he began to doze off before his cell rang startling him.

"Tutuola," he grumbled.

"Fin, it's me. Where are you?" Elliot asked.

"At Liv's," he replied, glancing to her bedroom doorway.

'How is she?" he asked very concerned about his partner.

"Beats me. She's barely said two words and she's been in the shower for …" he paused to check the time. "For nearly thirty minutes now."

"Is she alright in there?" Elliot asked, his anxiety reaching new levels.

"Well, I haven't exactly been in there to check," Fin replied.

"Why not?!" he retorted.

""Well, for starters, I didn't think she'd appreciate the intrusion…" he began.

"Stuff what she'd appreciate – go check..." he demanded before adding 'please'.

Fin groaned but decided it was probably something he should do. "Hang on." He walked through Olivia's bedroom before knocking quietly on her bathroom door.

"Liv…Livvy?" Fin called and Elliot could hear him down the line. "Girl, are you okay?" He didn't get an answer. "Olivia?!" Still no response. "Liv, I'm comin' in." Slowly he opened the door to be engulfed in the foggy steam created by the too hot water.

"Liv?" he called again before spying her sitting on the floor, still fully dressed, her knees drawn up to her chin and her face tear stained.

"Oh, baby girl," he soothed dropping down beside her and forgetting about Elliot as he put the phone on the vanity. He wrapped his arms around her tightly and pulled her to him, gently squeezing her as she sobbed in his arms. When the tears abated, he reached behind them and turned off the water. "Talk to me, Livvy?" he said, holding her once more.

Olivia dried her eyes and took several deep breaths before beginning.

"Amy Macintosh died this afternoon … raped and murdered by her son-of-a-bitch landlord, Marcus Freeman … who Elliot and I had been investigating. He raped her repeatedly and then sliced her neck open with a carving knife…she bled to death in my arms." Olivia stopped and took a few more deep breaths.

"That's not the whole story though, is it Liv?" Fin asked, John Munch already sharing the details of their day with him.

She shook her head. "Nuh, Munch and I went to see Freeman this morning and he spun us some cock and bull story about his whereabouts when another tenant Joan Morris was raped and murdered. I didn't believe a word of it but Munch insisted we check it out and get all the evidence we could."

"Aha," was all Fin offered.

"Nothing against Munch but El and I knew we had everything we needed and then he had to go take the morning off and leave me with Munch," she grumbled.

"Liv, you knew Kathy had the OBGYN appointment this morning, not much Elliot could do about it," Fin replied, trying to defend his friend and colleague. Olivia only rolled her eyes, he could have not gotten her pregnant, that's what he could have done. "What?"

"Nothing," she replied, not wanting to voice her thoughts.

"Yeah, there is…spit it out," Fin prompted, wanting to get to the bottom of the matter.

"It's just…" she sighed. "If he didn't go get her pregnant he would have been there today, we would have got Freeman before he even touched Amy and he wouldn't have been looking at me when he slit her throat telling me he'd rather it have been me than Amy …that he's sure he'd have had a better time screwing me than her … and then asking where my 'pretty boy' partner was."

Fin pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. "Sorry you lost Amy today," he whispered.

"Thanks," she muttered back.

"And I'm sorry Kathy's pregnant again," he added knowing that was part of the issue too.

Olivia looked up at him confused. "Why are you sorry about that?"

"Because you're sorry about it, aren't you?" He looked at her for a moment. "You don't have to answer, Liv. I know what you'd been thinking … I was thinking the same about you and him for all of five minutes before he screwed her again and blew his chances with you."

Olivia shook her head. "No, no…it's not as if there was anything between us…I mean anything like that…"

"You can't tell me you didn't consider it," he said and stared at her, daring her to lie.

"No I can't tell you that," she replied quietly.

"So, as I said, Liv, I am sorry." He kissed her head again.

The doorbell rang. "That'll be dinner, I ordered Chinese. How about you actually have a shower this time and it will be ready whenever you are?" Fin said, moving to the door.

"Thanks Fin," Olivia called.

"You're welcome, Liv … and for the record, Stabler doesn't realise just how much he screwed himself in all this."

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**_If you've read this far and liked it, please let me know._**

**_If you haven't liked it, why did you keep reading?_**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: They don't belong to me.

Part 2

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Fin sat slumped on the sofa, tired, concerned and hungry.

"I hope it's not gone cold," Olivia said to him as she reappeared dressed in oversized blue flannelette pyjamas.

"Nah, Liv, it's good," said Fin as he watched her sit down beside him.

"You could have eaten already. You didn't have to wait for me," she said, picking up a box of chow mien.

"What sort of guest would I be if I did that?" he grinned, picking up fried rice.

A friendly silence ensued, broken only by the sports reports coming from the television, a few meaningless comments about the food were exchanged but nothing of much merit. Olivia was emotionally drained from the day as a whole and physically drained by her exposure to the harsh elements of a New York winter's day.

When she had consumed enough she drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head on Fin's shoulder. "Thanks for being here, Fin."

"Anytime, Liv," he replied. "You're exhausted, why don't you go to bed and have an early night?"

"No, that's okay…unless you need to be going home," Olivia replied, not sure if she wanted to be alone or not.

"I don't have to be anywhere, Liv." He handed her the cushion from his side. "Just lay down here then," he said aware Olivia had not told him the complete truth about the day.

Olivia dropped the cushion onto Fin's lap and laid her head on it, tucking her feet into the corner of the sofa. Her eyes settled onto the screen but she wasn't really watching anything. She shuddered as a cool breeze drifted through the apartment so Fin pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it over her.

"That better?" he asked, resting his hand on her shoulder.

She nodded. "Thanks."

Just as she was drifting off Fin's phone rang and he answered quietly, not wanting to disturb her if he didn't have to.

"What's happening?" Munch asked him.

"Not a lot," he replied.

"Is Olivia okay?" he asked.

"Don't think so," he replied, trying not to give anything away.

"Elliot's on his way over," Munch commented.

"Shit!" exclaimed Fin before he could stop himself. Olivia looked up at him. He'd forgotten about Elliot and the call. "Can you get him to change his plans?"

"Don't think so … he'd been sitting at his desk for the best part of an hour looking shell shocked then he started pacing around and mumbling about something … he wouldn't give a reason but he'd been on the phone with someone and I think it upset him," he said and Fin just nodded as the sick realisation hit him that he hadn't ended the call after he went into the bathroom.

"You want to try and contact him and advise him otherwise?" Fin asked, not up to a visit.

"I can try but by the time he made up his mind to go I don't think much was going to stop him," Munch said before hanging up.

Fin pocketed his phone and tried to avoid Olivia's watchful gaze. He smiled at her before looking back at the screen.

"Elliot coming over?" she asked finally. Fin grinned, there wasn't much he could keep from her.

"Yeah, so Munch says," Fin answered.

"I don't really want to see him," she said, turning around to watch the TV again.

"You want to tell me the rest about today?" Fin asked, squeezing her arm.

"I told you about it," she said.

"What about the part you left out? The part between when you got there and what you told me earlier…" he asked.

"Nothing to tell," she replied, her voice rising a little.

"Munch says there is," Fin replied.

Olivia sat up on the sofa, pulling the blanket with her and surrounding herself in the soft, purple fabric. Her knees were drawn to her chest and her hands gripped the blanket, pulling it to her chin.

"Liv … you've gotta tell someone," he said gently. She shook her head and pushed back into the corner of the sofa, as far from Fin as she could get. "Tell me, honey," he prompted. "It's okay."

Sadly she shook her head again. "Nothing happened," she reiterated but every aspect of her body language told another story.

Fin considered her for a moment; he was reluctant to put her through anymore trauma but he knew the destruction the job could have on your body and soul when you kept it all inside … he had no faith in the 'brain brigade', as he liked to call them, but knew she had to tell someone before it ate her up.

"How about I tell you what I know and you see if you agree?" he asked but wasn't really expecting an answer, she stared at him blankly. "When you guys got back to the apartment building for the second time you intended to arrest Freeman. You busted his door and split up … Munch went towards the kitchen, sitting room, you went towards the bedrooms. Am I right so far?" She nodded, her eyes dropping to his chest.

"You opened the door to the second bedroom and the prick was raping her on the bed … her hands were tied together and she had a ball gag in her mouth … You yelled and threatened to shoot, Munch came and Freeman had the knife at her throat …" Olivia closed her eyes but still nodded.

"You moved towards the bed and he dragged Amy onto the floor, he started ranting when the poor girl wet herself … Both you and John could have gotten shots off to take him out but you waited for each other and by the time that happened, he'd pulled her back to him with the knife at her throat. Freeman pulled the gag off so she could scream and then he mouthed off at you. You tried to talk him down but it was never gonna happen … you rounded the bed and he pressed the knife into her throat … you offered to swap places, actually begged is more like it … you kicked your gun under the bed while Amy pleaded with you to help her." Olivia's tears silently cascaded down her face .

"The bastard indicated he was gonna let her go, he loosened his grip and she went to move to you crying … just as you took hold of her, he dragged her back and slit her throat and attempted to stab you before Munch shot him… That's what happened, wasn't it, Liv?" he asked quietly. Olivia nodded, before the tears became sobs and she let the pain escape in mournful cries which echoed through the apartment.

Fin slid across the sofa and held her as the pain of her day, her job, her life tried to break her. He tried soothing words and gentle touches but she was caught up in her own world. In the end, he kissed Olivia's head and held her to him, allowing her to cry herself out. Her tears were followed by silence and Fin allowed himself a brief smile, thinking she'd cried herself to sleep and would be able to find some solace in her slumber.

Instead, after a few moments, she started to speak.

"She didn't have to die," she began quietly. "Amy … she didn't have to die … if Elliot had have been there we would have picked up Freeman before he ever touched her and she wouldn't have died… and if Elliot had have been there we wouldn't have waited for each other rather than get the shot off and she wouldn't have died … and if Elliot had have been there and not with his pregnant, estranged wife then … then …" She couldn't end her sentence, it was all too hard.

"Then you wouldn't have felt you had to swap places with her … to give your life for hers … so she wouldn't have to pay the price for the fact that Elliot wasn't there … Sound about right?" he asked and she nodded.

Fin held her tightly and soon sleep came rescuing her from her torment. Fin had just reached for the remote to change channels when his cell rang again.

"Tell me she's okay?" Elliot pleaded.

"She's asleep," Fin replied, not at all sure how he was going to handle Elliot.

"But is she okay?" he repeated.

"Nope," he answered. "She will be though."

"I heard your conversation earlier … in the bathroom," Elliot admitted. Fin just sighed. "And Munch caught up with me before I got to her apartment and told me the rest."

"Aha," muttered Fin.

"I've fucked up royally, haven't I?" he asked, but he already knew the answer. "I mean … my life … her life … Amy's life …" he continued when Fin didn't speak. "You were right with what you said about Liv and me … earlier … I thought we had a chance too … and then I went and screwed Kathy … and it was supposed to be a one off thing … just sex … nothing else … and for the second time I've fucked up my life by getting her pregnant when it was the last thing I wanted …" His voice trailed but there was still no response from Fin.

"And if I hadn't done that …" he continued to ramble. " I would have been with Liv today and Amy Macintosh would be laying in her bed rather than the morgue …" Elliot sighed deeply. "And Liv wouldn't have given up her gun and put her life at risk to make up for my stupidity."

"What's done is done," Fin finally said. "Can't change it now."

"I'm sitting downstairs … any point me coming up to see her?" Elliot asked, downcast.

"Nope, I think you should just let her sleep … it's the best thing for her," Fin said.

"Do you think she'll talk to me tomorrow… at the precinct?" he asked.

"Liv's on leave … don't know when she'll be back?" he informed him.

"Since when?" Elliot asked surprised.

"Since Cragen insisted before I brought her home," he replied.

"Oh!" Elliot sighed. "Will you stay with her tonight?"

"Yeah, just to be sure she's okay," Fin answered.

"Thanks," he said, glad someone was there for her, devastated it couldn't be him. The day had started well for him with the OBGYN informing them they would be having a son, but had ended so badly. His decision and actions which had resulted in a son had caused reverberations in the lives of others, something he had never expected. He ended the call; there was nothing left to say.

Fin pocketed his cell and eased his feet up onto the coffee table. A quick glance at the clock told him it was nearly midnight … he sighed. He couldn't wait for tomorrow and hopefully a much better day for the woman sleeping alongside him.

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**_The End_**

**_Sorry Rach, you didn't get the EO you wanted._**


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